


uncut and understood

by silpium



Series: inktober 2019 [18]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22772338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silpium/pseuds/silpium
Summary: It’s a few weeks later, during their lunch period, that Kageyama asks the other question that’s been burning in his throat. “How did you know you were trans?”Hinata tilts his head to the side, stopping in the middle of bringing food to his mouth. “I mean, there was no one moment. It was a lot of little things adding up,” he says, contemplatively. “Why do you want to know?Or: these things aren't always obvious.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: inktober 2019 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507019
Comments: 13
Kudos: 176





	uncut and understood

**Author's Note:**

> for inktober day #18, "misfit."

The team is changing for morning practice together, Hinata crouched over his bag and digging through it furtively when he suddenly whines, “Ugh, I forgot my sports bra!”

Kageyama pauses in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head. Why would Hinata need a sports bra, of all things?

“Looks like you’re not practicing today, then.” Sawamura’s voice is firm, the reply coming quickly, as if rehearsed.

Hinata groans, but he doesn’t push it any further. The entire practice, he sits on the bench, arms crossed petulantly and kicking his feet as he watches the team play. Kageyama can’t help but have his eyes drift to him all throughout practice, as though Hinata was a lure, questions lingering in his mind.

They walk home together that night after afternoon practice, because they always do. The question is heavy on Kageyama’s tongue, so heavy that he can’t force it out.

“You’re acting all weird,” Hinata whines. “You were like this during lunch, too. What’s your deal?”

“It’s nothing,” is what Kageyama says, even though it’s definitely not nothing.

“It totally is! Just spit it out!”

“What—” Kageyama trips over the words with the speed at which they spill out. “What’s the whole thing with needing a sports bra?” 

“Oh, that.” Hinata averts his eyes, tenses up a little, before suddenly loosening up and making eye contact again. “Wait, you didn’t know I’m trans?”

Kageyama just looks at him.

“Do you… not know what that is?”

Kageyama doesn’t even realize he’s scowling until Hinata barks out a laugh. “Geez, don’t get that look on your face! Okay, so, being trans is like—like, when I was a kid, everyone, even me, thought I was a girl. But that just felt wrong, you know? And eventually I realized that I felt wrong ‘cause I wasn’t a girl, but a boy instead.”

“Oh.” Kageyama tilts his head to the side. “Is that it?”

“I mean, yeah, basically.”

“Why’d you make it sound like it was gonna be super complicated, idiot?”

“I didn’t! It’s not my fault you freaked out and made a mountain out of a molehill!” Hinata’s got this fake-offended pout on his face that makes Kageyama roll his eyes.

“Whatever. Look, are you still coming over tonight? Even if we can’t practice, we can at least watch recordings of old Olympic games and gain experience that way—”

“Duh,” Hinata interrupts him, grinning. “I’ll just have my mom swing by before she goes to work tomorrow with an extra bra for practice tomorrow. No way I’m gonna miss tomorrow, too.”

Hinata exudes happiness on the rest of the walk to Kageyama’s house, enough so that it rubs off on Kageyama, too, and he can’t help but grin to himself as they sit a little too close as they watch the recordings.

/ * \

It’s a few weeks later, during their lunch period, that Kageyama asks the other question that’s been burning in his throat. “How did you know you were trans?”

Hinata tilts his head to the side, stopping in the middle of bringing food to his mouth. “I mean, there was no one moment. It was a lot of little things adding up,” he says, contemplatively. “Why do you want to know?

Kageyama shrugs. Hinata gives him a look before he continues. “Well, like, it’s kind of hard to explain it if you don’t experience it yourself. It’s… this constant sense of wrongness. Not liking how other people perceive you, not liking certain parts of your body. I hated it when my mother told me I had to act more like a proper young lady, ‘cause nothing about girliness felt right or comfortable for me. But then when I could finally dress like a boy and do all those stupid things that other boys my age could do, it was the most incredible, freeing thing I’ve ever felt. It’s stuff like that, I guess. You kind of just know after a while.”

“Oh,” Kageyama says, and that’s the end of it. Hinata doesn’t push, and Kageyama doesn’t ask further.

/ * \

Kageyama has felt, known, for a long time that he’s different from everyone else. There’s been no rhyme or reason to how, when, or why it becomes salient, but, nonetheless, it does. Some times, it’s palpable, crawling all over Kageyama’s skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake. Other times, it’s this gentle disquiet settling deep in his bones that swells with every step he takes, every glance in his direction, every word he speaks.

Kageyama stares in his mirror more often now, searching his face, looking at all the individual features and how they come together to make him. He imagines how other people perceive him, all the boyish features, and something settles ugly and sick in his stomach.

/ * \

“Can you be something other than a boy or a girl?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like—what if someone doesn’t want to be seen as either? Is that an option?”

“…Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

/ * \

Hinata has been clinging to his side more, lately. He hasn’t given a reason for it, even though it’s obvious with how he seeks out Kageyama every lunch period and won’t stop inviting Kageyama over to his house. It’s fine, though, because Kageyama doesn’t say anything about it, either.

Kageyama is about to fall asleep when Hinata suddenly breaches the silence. “Hey, Kageyama?”

Kageyama groans into his pillow. “What?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Kageyama makes a noise of affirmation, too tired to really speak.

“Okay. Good.” Kageyama thinks that he’s dropped it after a few minutes pass in silence when Hinata suddenly speaks again. “Well, you know, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. When I figured out I was trans, it wasn’t earth-shattering. It just kind of felt right. And I just started doing the things that went in line with that—the things that made me feel good about myself. It doesn’t have to be some big, huge realization. It’s just… righting the wrong. I don’t really understand the ins and outs of it myself, and I’m not sure anyone does. It’s just doing what feels right.”

Kageyama doesn’t reply. Hinata lets the silence hang for a few moments before he murmurs, “That’s all I wanted to say. Goodnight, Kageyama.”

/ * \

Maybe Hinata has a point.

/ * \

Kageyama tries it out a few times over the course of the next few days, testing the words in his head, seeing how it reverberates throughout him. He imagines Hinata saying _this is Kageyama Tobio! They’re my setter_ , or Sawamura saying _they’re a core part of our team in reference to him_ , or Sugawara saying _remember to save a pork bun for Kageyama! It’s their favorite kind _.__

__It soothes parts of their heart long-neglected, long-forgotten, settling just right._ _

____

/ * \

Hinata isn’t shocked when Kageyama tells him. No, Hinata just smiles softly at them, nods quick and sure. “I’m glad you could figure it out.”

Kageyama smiles—small, but still there—back at him.

/ * \

Likewise—Kageyama is not surprised when the two of them kiss a few days later. There’s no heavy build-up, no awkward tension or nervousness, when it happens. They’re walking home together when Hinata glances up to Kageyama and stops suddenly, something floating in his eyes, an unstated question. Kageyama stops as well, meeting and holding his gaze, asking a question in return: _what is it?_

Hinata understands, because they don’t really need words at this point. Still, he exhales, tiny and soft, and answers, “I really want to kiss you.” His cheeks are the slightest, slightest shade of a rosy pink that complements the sunset so well, and Kageyama is entranced by it.

“Yeah,” Kageyama murmurs, for lack of anything else to say. “Yeah, me too.”

He must have known that Kageyama felt the same way, or must have trusted that they did, anyway, but Hinata still brightens visibly, smile spreading across his face so sweet. “So why don’t we?”

Kageyama’s breath catches in their throat and stays there even as Hinata quickly leans up on his tiptoes and presses a kiss, gentle and chaste, to Kageyama’s lips. Hinata’s eyes sparkle in the light as Kageyama stares down at him and chases the feeling of Hinata’s lips on theirs, that quick flash of inexplicable intimacy.

“C’mon,” Hinata chimes, taking Kageyama’s hand in his and intertwining their fingers easily. “Don’t stand there all dumbstruck. We have to hurry home if we wanna practice before it gets too dark!”

Kageyama stares at their hand in Hinata’s, revelling in the softness of Hinata’s palm against theirs. Hinata only makes fun of their smile a little bit, maybe because he keeps stopping himself to kiss Kageyama one, two, three more times on their walk home, until they get home too late to even think about practicing.

That’s okay. Kageyama wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! comments, kudos, and concrit are all super appreciated! feel free to hmu on twitter [@hhatsunetsu](https://twitter.com/hhatsunetsu)! i would love to chat with you ;v; have a great day and thanks again for reading!!
> 
> I ALSO WANTED TO SHARE [THIS BEAUTIFUL ART](https://66.media.tumblr.com/edcf244c77e8b96da18703f0a73cbc78/44bf9a3de459c071-d3/s1280x1920/2bc414772301e4252c86c862ce1e195bb7cb511e.png) MY CLOSE GOOD FRIEND MAR MADE FOR THIS FIC... I LVOE U MAR THIS HAS BEEN MY LOCKSCREEN SINCE THE DAY U DREW IT!!


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